Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Attachment Parenting: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

This post will either help a lot of people or completely tick off a lot of people. I'm hoping it helps a lot of people. It is just something I really need to say right now.

The benefits of attachment parenting (AP) are very well publicized. Your child knows they will always have someone close by to protect them in times of need. They know they are loved and are, therefore, capable of showing love in more ways and more confidently as they mature. They are self-assured, knowing that someone is always there to come "home" to. They are more sociable since they spend so much time with their adult counterparts. This also makes them more intelligent and more engaging.

What most people who use AP won't tell you is this: It can be very isolating. While I LOVE being a SAHM, there are times when I would love a break. From day 1 it has been Fuss and me. Hubby is the one that is the "All-American Dad" and goes to work to provide for us, then comes home and works on the house and the cars, etc. I couldn't ask for a better husband! He's also a great daddy! He has awesome days off (3-4 days per week). The thing that sucks is that he works nights...12-hour nights. So, working days, he sleeps from the time he gets home in the a.m. until around 3 in the afternoon. Then, he gets up, eats, and leaves for work by 5 p.m. It SUCKS! At least when he was working 12-hour days, I had him in the evenings to take Fuss for an hour or so to allow me to de-stress and shower or whatnot. Since I do stay at home, it's hard to have many friends (other than my groups online) because, guess what? They work.

Days like I just had are especially difficult because Fuss turns into a big 25 pound ball of Velcro. She refuses to be comforted by ANYONE but Mommy. This makes it nearly impossible to do anything because she won't let me out of her sight for more than a minute. I have resorted to DVD's lately but that didn't even work the last couple of days. The worse she feels, the more clingy she is, and the more isolated I feel. Why? How many people actually have the guts to say, "I can't stand my child any longer today! Please, take her for an hour!" Yes, I say it now to the cyber world, but it's harder than you'd think to say to family. Most people don't even pay attention any way. They seem to think that *I* chose this, so it's okay for me to deal with it.

What's the "Ugly" part here? Well, Saturday, I went to a movie with a very close RL friend. Fuss stayed with Daddy and they both went to my friend's house to hang out with her husband, Charlie, and Princess. The kids play together quite often, so Fuss really enjoyed herself! The ugly part was before going, Hubby stopped at another store for about 20 minutes. Fuss screamed and kicked the whole time calling for me. After the movie, she glued herself to me and it has been that way since! So, I suppose I am paying for playing. I do keep telling myself that this is only a stage. She will grow up so fast and that I will miss these days, but I just wish I could get some down time once in a while without the horrible repercussions I have experienced this week. I seriously can't imagine HOW we're going to put her in Preschool or even Kindergarten if this continues! (I know, thinking WAAAAY too far ahead...)

I know AP is what is best for us. Fuss is and always has been a high needs baby. She needs someone to be responsive to her cues and who better than me. I am not FULLY AP, though. I use what works for us. Fuss is advanced in physical and cognitive abilities according to her pediatrician, so I know the benefit is there. I just am having a very difficult time seeing past this "rough patch" we've been stuck in the last week or so.

Any advice from mamas who've been there, done that? If you haven't and are interested in learning more about AP check out API here.

No comments:

Post a Comment