We have officially had to put Mamaw on Hospice care. The nursing home staff says she probably has a couple more months left. She is almost 94, so it's not like it is a huge surprise or anything, but that doesn't make it any easier. I have been working this out in my mind for months...preparing for the loss of the person who raised me from the time I was 4 years old. Every dance recital and show choir performance, she was there. She gave me away at my wedding. Even though I know there are things she lied about, I could count on her to help and be there when I was in need. It is hard to say goodbye, no matter how long you have prepared for it and expected it, to one of the two people who were your parents. Papaw passed away in '96. Mamaw has at least seen Fuss. She has no idea who Fuss is now. She doesn't even know me at this point. I don't want to see her suffering and knowing that she is in pain and refusing to eat hurts my heart. At the same time though, I hate to "let go".
I'm also not looking forward to the estate/probate issues that are going to come up in the next few months. People are going to be angry and it is going to be extremely stressful. Stress is one of those bad things in pregnancy that I REALLY don't need as I try to avoid having pre-eclampsia a second time. Guess it is time to look into meditation tapes! lol.