It has been far too long since I have posted anything. I have missed blogging but I was in too difficult a place to even begin to think about adding one more thing to what needed done in a day.
Postpartum depression hit me harder than I had even imagined it would. I had to go on a higher dosage of medication for my Bipolar in order to help slightly. Even then, it only helped mildly. Every day I would get up and go through the motions of "being Mom." During the first few months with Popeye, Fuss turned into one of the worst children I have ever seen, but only to me. Hubby was still working nights and bedtime turned into a 2-hour scream-fest from Fuss. Nothing worked. Nothing helped. And no one understood.
In mid-January Hubby started working day shift for the first time since Fuss was almost a year old. She doesn't remember having Daddy home with her except on nights off, so this was a HUGE change for her to have him home every night. It only helped a little though. At least we were then able to split bedtime routine (story by Daddy, song by Mommy) and care for Popeye a little bit. It still didn't help. I just kept sinking deeper into a pit I felt I would never be able to claw my way out of.
I went into rages. I would cry daily, sometimes multiple times a day. I called those I thought could help only to hear, "You should have had them closer/farther apart" or "I told you it would be hard." No one listened. It seemed the only person there for me was Hubby. Goodness knows how he managed to survive me during the past 6 months! I was barely able to do it myself. I HATED myself. I hated that I couldn't care for my kids the way I wanted to. I even hated my children. There were so many nights I cried myself to sleep wondering why I had even decided to have kids in the first place. I kept pushing on thinking that I would make it through somehow. Hubby never failed me. He stood by me more than I ever deserved, supported me, loved me through it all.
I finally decided to see a professional counselor after Fuss spent one day unusually tearful. She was crying and whining over everything. That night at bedtime (I was a little clearer than I had been in a long time after an increase in my meds that was still small enough I could continue to breastfeed), I asked her what was wrong with her. She said, "I don't like it when you're a mean Mommy. I'm afraid of you." I'm afraid...of you. The words echoed in my head and I broke down. I promised her that I would work on me and try to be a better Mommy and that I was sorry.
That's what finally brings me out of that pit and toward the light, so to speak. My daughter saved me and I started seeing a counselor. Some days the counselling goes really well and others we get distracted talking about his kids or random nonsense, but it has been enough to start turning things around. And just in the last month, it's like something clicked for Fuss and she changed. She has been SO much better recently. She was always wonderful with Popeye and never had an issue with him, but her defiance towards us was ridiculous. Now that I seem to be doing better, I think she is starting to turn around too.
No one knows just how desperately I wanted my babies. But no one knows just how desperately hard it was trying to hold on to me and keep my own head above water. Hubby is the only one who can come close to understanding because he's been there through it all. I hope my honesty here will be able to help someone else. I'm always willing to lend an "ear" whenever needed. I am just thankful Fuss felt secure enough in our bond that she was able to talk to me.
If you've read this far, I thank you for sticking around. I intend to get back on all those reviews that I had lined up in December and January and, hopefully, get a couple of giveaways going as well. :)
Showing posts with label breastfeeding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breastfeeding. Show all posts
Monday, July 21, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
Bamboobies Nursing Pads #Review and #Giveaway
Even though the button isn't updated (and I, personally, have NO CLUE how to make a new one), I'm just going to use the same one. My first item for review and giveaway was sent to me by Bamboobies. I received the nursing pads Sample Pack that includes both daytime/regular and nighttime nursing pads.
The first thing you'll notice about these nursing pads is that the regular pads are heart-shaped. Why? It makes them less noticeable than regular rounded pads. They are also pink which helps them to blend in better with flesh tones for when you are wearing a lighter shirt. Plus, these are VERY thin. In my estimation, they are about 1/2 the thickness of a "normal" nursing pad. Even the overnight Bamboobies are a bit thinner than a normal nursing pad.
Compared to a "normal" nursing pad, these are made from a blend of organic cotton and bamboo rayon velour. The inside of the pad is SO soft! They feel great and the design of the fabric inner helps to prevent sticking, which is awesome! The backing is also very pliable and soft unlike a lot of waterproof material.The regular Bamboobies are approximately the same size as a normal nursing pad in diameter as you can see in the following picture (right). The shape and thickness are the biggest differences here. I found the absorbency to be very good as long as I changed them out about halfway through the day unless I was having a light-for-me leakage day. Like I said before, I leak A LOT and have an overactive let down, so it is very hard to keep up with me.
The overnights, however, are AMAZING! I actually use them during the day and have great results with prevention of leaks. The overnights are a bit larger than the store-bought reusable nursing pads that I have but the combination of bamboo and cotton really helps these keep you more dry. Obviously, the store-bought ones don't have a waterproof layer to hold anything in either which causes wicking into your bra. That problem doesn't happen with Bamboobies.
I would definitely recommend these nursing pads to my friends and family. These are wonderful for the end of pregnancy leakage that comes along as well as being able to be used throughout the nursing journey and into weaning.
Would you like your very own set of Bamboobies? Keep your eyes on their Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Blog for further opportunities to win and enter below!
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Sunday, August 4, 2013
My Breastfeeding Journey #Isupportyou #worldbreastfeedingweek
It might seem as though I had it easy when breastfeeding Fuss. After all, we did make it to 15-months-old when Fuss decided to stop nursing. I was, quite honestly, ready to have my body back to myself after that! Haha! But the beginning was NOT easy for us. And having gone through all I did, I can certainly understand why breastfeeding doesn't always work out.
With Fuss being 4 weeks early, she had a hard time learning to latch on. Her mouth was small. I had flat nipples and large (okay...humongous!) breasts that would nearly swallow her whole if I didn't keep them under close supervision. (That is only a slight exaggeration.) I had a C-section which prevented her from nursing for the first 24 hours thanks to my reaction to anesthesia. The odds were stacked quite high against us from the start.
I was lucky to have the hospital provide their double electric pump to get me started, so I pumped for the first time when Fuss was just a little over 24 hours old. Those 80 mL bottles worked fine for the first pumping or so, but by the end of day 1 I was producing WAY over that in 1 session! The nurses were floored and I had to get larger bottles plus still had a bunch in the refrigerator that I took home. However, when we tried to get Fuss to nurse, we couldn't keep her awake long enough to eat. I tried and tried. The nurse on-shift came to help me (the Lactation consultant was at a conference - go figure) and we tried different positions, tickling feet, jiggling, etc. Nothing seemed to work. So I started using pumped milk to get Fuss to eat. Then she ended up with jaundice. I am SO thankful that the nurses on my shift were so supportive! They never once said to stop breastfeeding! Just kept encouraging and said as soon as we were done with our session to put Fuss back under the bili lights.
When I was released from the hospital, I took the same approach. Try to nurse for 10 minutes then pump and feed whatever I pumped. Fuss wasn't gaining, though. I went to the LC to get help. We did a pre-feed weight and post-feed weight and Fuss took in 3 ounces in one sitting from a single breast. Great! *We later found out that her lack of weight gain was due to reflux not to her failure to eat.* The next hurdle I faced was that my supply tanked. I went from pumping around 8 ounces per breast - yes, I had a large supply! - to 3 ounces a side. Back to the LC I went. Since at the time insurance didn't even offer the option of seeing an LC, the hospital LC was willing to help for free as a postpartum service. She measured me for flange size...I was using standard flanges which were 6 mm too small for my nipples causing pressure and not emptying my breasts fully. I ordered the 30 mm flange set for my pump and went back to work. I was literally sleeping MAYBE an hour at a time! Fuss was sleeping around 3 hours around the clock by 2 months, but due to the difficulty feeding, I was up for at least 30 minutes after she fell back to sleep to pump. It was awful! I hardly remember much of that first 2-3 months aside from pumping/nursing/attempting to sleep/spitting up. My mom took Fuss overnight about that time and I slept straight for 12 hours! And I woke up with the WORST case of engorgement EVER!! LOL.
By the time we had Fuss diagnosed with reflux and had her on medication (2 months started, but it didn't work well until around 3 or 4 months), she had gotten more used to bottles. Our pedi thought she was spitting up due to lying down while nursing and thought upright bottle feeds would help. They didn't. And by then we were having issues with latching again. *sigh* Fuss didn't want to latch to bare breast, so back to the LC where I received a nipple shield. I used that damned thing for almost 3 months! The worst part for me was that it collected a pool of milk that would spill all over no matter what I did to prevent it. Hubby was still super supportive through all of this. Even my MIL and SIL were supportive! I had a few people say that I needed to give up, though. My mom said that a few times, but I told her I wasn't giving up. Anytime ANYONE mentioned stopping, I said I was going to work through it. AND I DID!!! By 5 months, I had weaned Fuss from the nipple shield and she had an excellent latch! By 8 months she started refusing bottles...lol. I guess that's a whole 'nother can of worms! I still pumped for quite some time, but mostly at night or when Fuss would eat less first thing in the morning so I could avoid being engorged.
My point is, I persevered through all that and had a successful breastfeeding relationship with Fuss for just over 15 months. However, I don't fault those that have difficulty and decide to switch to formula. I had to prove to myself and all the doubters that I could manage it just because I am stubborn. My aunt exclusively pumped for both of her boys. They were born at 30 & 29 weeks and spent a long time in the NICU. She pumped while driving! I supported her. Blondie tried to breastfeed but said she didn't like it and didn't want to continue, so she switched to formula. I supported her through that as well. And I continue to advocate for breastfeeding, but I will ALWAYS support a woman's right to choose how to feed her baby! We should all be able to provide for our children in the best way we can. I know someone who is on medication for severe allergies and never produces milk at all. Another friend had low supply. It is not my right to belittle ANYONE for feeding their child unless that choice puts their child in danger. And honestly, breast versus bottle is one thing we really need to ask questions and not judge before we know the whole story.
With Fuss being 4 weeks early, she had a hard time learning to latch on. Her mouth was small. I had flat nipples and large (okay...humongous!) breasts that would nearly swallow her whole if I didn't keep them under close supervision. (That is only a slight exaggeration.) I had a C-section which prevented her from nursing for the first 24 hours thanks to my reaction to anesthesia. The odds were stacked quite high against us from the start.
I was lucky to have the hospital provide their double electric pump to get me started, so I pumped for the first time when Fuss was just a little over 24 hours old. Those 80 mL bottles worked fine for the first pumping or so, but by the end of day 1 I was producing WAY over that in 1 session! The nurses were floored and I had to get larger bottles plus still had a bunch in the refrigerator that I took home. However, when we tried to get Fuss to nurse, we couldn't keep her awake long enough to eat. I tried and tried. The nurse on-shift came to help me (the Lactation consultant was at a conference - go figure) and we tried different positions, tickling feet, jiggling, etc. Nothing seemed to work. So I started using pumped milk to get Fuss to eat. Then she ended up with jaundice. I am SO thankful that the nurses on my shift were so supportive! They never once said to stop breastfeeding! Just kept encouraging and said as soon as we were done with our session to put Fuss back under the bili lights.
When I was released from the hospital, I took the same approach. Try to nurse for 10 minutes then pump and feed whatever I pumped. Fuss wasn't gaining, though. I went to the LC to get help. We did a pre-feed weight and post-feed weight and Fuss took in 3 ounces in one sitting from a single breast. Great! *We later found out that her lack of weight gain was due to reflux not to her failure to eat.* The next hurdle I faced was that my supply tanked. I went from pumping around 8 ounces per breast - yes, I had a large supply! - to 3 ounces a side. Back to the LC I went. Since at the time insurance didn't even offer the option of seeing an LC, the hospital LC was willing to help for free as a postpartum service. She measured me for flange size...I was using standard flanges which were 6 mm too small for my nipples causing pressure and not emptying my breasts fully. I ordered the 30 mm flange set for my pump and went back to work. I was literally sleeping MAYBE an hour at a time! Fuss was sleeping around 3 hours around the clock by 2 months, but due to the difficulty feeding, I was up for at least 30 minutes after she fell back to sleep to pump. It was awful! I hardly remember much of that first 2-3 months aside from pumping/nursing/attempting to sleep/spitting up. My mom took Fuss overnight about that time and I slept straight for 12 hours! And I woke up with the WORST case of engorgement EVER!! LOL.
By the time we had Fuss diagnosed with reflux and had her on medication (2 months started, but it didn't work well until around 3 or 4 months), she had gotten more used to bottles. Our pedi thought she was spitting up due to lying down while nursing and thought upright bottle feeds would help. They didn't. And by then we were having issues with latching again. *sigh* Fuss didn't want to latch to bare breast, so back to the LC where I received a nipple shield. I used that damned thing for almost 3 months! The worst part for me was that it collected a pool of milk that would spill all over no matter what I did to prevent it. Hubby was still super supportive through all of this. Even my MIL and SIL were supportive! I had a few people say that I needed to give up, though. My mom said that a few times, but I told her I wasn't giving up. Anytime ANYONE mentioned stopping, I said I was going to work through it. AND I DID!!! By 5 months, I had weaned Fuss from the nipple shield and she had an excellent latch! By 8 months she started refusing bottles...lol. I guess that's a whole 'nother can of worms! I still pumped for quite some time, but mostly at night or when Fuss would eat less first thing in the morning so I could avoid being engorged.
My point is, I persevered through all that and had a successful breastfeeding relationship with Fuss for just over 15 months. However, I don't fault those that have difficulty and decide to switch to formula. I had to prove to myself and all the doubters that I could manage it just because I am stubborn. My aunt exclusively pumped for both of her boys. They were born at 30 & 29 weeks and spent a long time in the NICU. She pumped while driving! I supported her. Blondie tried to breastfeed but said she didn't like it and didn't want to continue, so she switched to formula. I supported her through that as well. And I continue to advocate for breastfeeding, but I will ALWAYS support a woman's right to choose how to feed her baby! We should all be able to provide for our children in the best way we can. I know someone who is on medication for severe allergies and never produces milk at all. Another friend had low supply. It is not my right to belittle ANYONE for feeding their child unless that choice puts their child in danger. And honestly, breast versus bottle is one thing we really need to ask questions and not judge before we know the whole story.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Nursing in Public Equivalent to Urinating in Public?!
I was trying to decide what to write my blog post on today, when I came across THIS post by The Gnome's Mom. I was mortified by the comparison of nursing in public - even when nursing an INFANT - is considered by Savannah Guthrie and Star Jones to be equivalent to urinating in public! What!? In case you missed it, you can see the video HERE as well as in the video embedded in TGM's post. Her post includes a transcript as well.
First, I nursed in public when it was necessary. If I could find a private place to nurse, for my own comfort, I did it. However, that isn't always possible. Second, for someone to say that you should just "nurse in the bathroom" is ridiculous! A lot of public restrooms don't even have a changing table, let alone a place to sit down so you can nurse! This mother was on a bus. She didn't have a choice of where/when to nurse. Her baby was hungry, so she fed him. (You can read the original article HERE) Third, it's a sad thing to say about our society when the breast has become so oversexualized that it is impossible for people to see them as anything other than sexual playthings. For those who don't know: Humans are mammals. Mammals feed their babies milk from mammary glads. In humans the mammary glands are our breasts. Simple enough, right?
The state of Rhode Island has recently placed a ban on hospitals giving out formula sample packs immediately after birth. Why? The state has the lowest rate of breastfeeding attempts in the U.S. and they want that to change. The state medical board realizes the benefits of breastfeeding are worth the extra effort to educate new mothers about how to nurse and give them the support they need to succeed. If more states were like RI, Ms. Moon wouldn't have had the problem of an ignorant bus driver. The bus driver would have known that she was giving her baby the perfect food for him, tailored to his needs, and left her alone!
I understand that not everyone can breastfeed. In fact, I have a very dear friend who had tried desperately to breastfeed her son and couldn't. She ended up getting donor milk so he could continue to get breast milk instead of formula. Sadly, I know too many who choose to not even attempt it. Each ounce of breast milk is packed with antibodies and stem cells that are beneficial to baby. So, even attempting for a day is better than none at all! That is where the state of RI is coming from. If mom can't continue with breastfeeding, has supply or latch issues, the hospital WILL give them formula. And, really, breastfeeding isn't hard to *try*. Plus, it's FREE! But with attitudes like those of Star Jones and Savannah Guthrie, it's no wonder women don't even want to try.
What is your opinion? Is it wrong to nurse in public?
First, I nursed in public when it was necessary. If I could find a private place to nurse, for my own comfort, I did it. However, that isn't always possible. Second, for someone to say that you should just "nurse in the bathroom" is ridiculous! A lot of public restrooms don't even have a changing table, let alone a place to sit down so you can nurse! This mother was on a bus. She didn't have a choice of where/when to nurse. Her baby was hungry, so she fed him. (You can read the original article HERE) Third, it's a sad thing to say about our society when the breast has become so oversexualized that it is impossible for people to see them as anything other than sexual playthings. For those who don't know: Humans are mammals. Mammals feed their babies milk from mammary glads. In humans the mammary glands are our breasts. Simple enough, right?
The state of Rhode Island has recently placed a ban on hospitals giving out formula sample packs immediately after birth. Why? The state has the lowest rate of breastfeeding attempts in the U.S. and they want that to change. The state medical board realizes the benefits of breastfeeding are worth the extra effort to educate new mothers about how to nurse and give them the support they need to succeed. If more states were like RI, Ms. Moon wouldn't have had the problem of an ignorant bus driver. The bus driver would have known that she was giving her baby the perfect food for him, tailored to his needs, and left her alone!
I understand that not everyone can breastfeed. In fact, I have a very dear friend who had tried desperately to breastfeed her son and couldn't. She ended up getting donor milk so he could continue to get breast milk instead of formula. Sadly, I know too many who choose to not even attempt it. Each ounce of breast milk is packed with antibodies and stem cells that are beneficial to baby. So, even attempting for a day is better than none at all! That is where the state of RI is coming from. If mom can't continue with breastfeeding, has supply or latch issues, the hospital WILL give them formula. And, really, breastfeeding isn't hard to *try*. Plus, it's FREE! But with attitudes like those of Star Jones and Savannah Guthrie, it's no wonder women don't even want to try.
What is your opinion? Is it wrong to nurse in public?
Monday, October 24, 2011
Levels of Hippie
This is just for fun, so I hope no one gets offended! My husband made the comment to me the other day during a conversation that I was a "little hippie", but that it was okay. I'd hope so...otherwise he and I are in trouble! He's actually a "little hippie" too, honestly. So I thought I would share a list of the different levels of hippie. Thanks to my dear friend Jillian Courage for helping me name and describe all the levels! *Jillian is probably the "crunchiest" person I know.* This was too much fun!
Level 1: Buttered Toast
-You do a few things to be green such as recycling, but you still prefer the conventional way of doing things.
Level 2: Wheatgrass
-You really try to be environmentally friendly. You breastfeed, buy local/organic, and use the more natural cleaning products. You may have also begun cloth diapering.
Level 3: Hemp
-You baby wear instead of using a stroller. You may be choosing to use unpaper towels and reusable shopping bags in order to reduce the waste you put into a landfill. You avoid using harsh cleansers and believe that a little dirt never hurt anyone.
Level 4: Trail Mix
-You are well on your way to being "green" and some may already consider you a "hippie." You are choosing to use homeopathic medicines instead of Western medication. You also may be using home made soaps and composting. You have begun to make your own baby food in lieu of buying commercial. Perhaps you have begun to use mama cloth or menstrual cups as well.
Level 5: Granola
-There are different levels of Granola. This includes at a minimum everything listed in the previous levels. In addition, but certainly not limited to: the "no poo" method, Elimination Communication, the oil cleansing method, family cloth, delayed/selective/no vaccinations, extended breastfeeding, extended rear facing, and using homeopathy instead of traditional medicine.
Level 1: Buttered Toast
-You do a few things to be green such as recycling, but you still prefer the conventional way of doing things.
Level 2: Wheatgrass
-You really try to be environmentally friendly. You breastfeed, buy local/organic, and use the more natural cleaning products. You may have also begun cloth diapering.
Level 3: Hemp
-You baby wear instead of using a stroller. You may be choosing to use unpaper towels and reusable shopping bags in order to reduce the waste you put into a landfill. You avoid using harsh cleansers and believe that a little dirt never hurt anyone.
Level 4: Trail Mix
-You are well on your way to being "green" and some may already consider you a "hippie." You are choosing to use homeopathic medicines instead of Western medication. You also may be using home made soaps and composting. You have begun to make your own baby food in lieu of buying commercial. Perhaps you have begun to use mama cloth or menstrual cups as well.
Level 5: Granola
-There are different levels of Granola. This includes at a minimum everything listed in the previous levels. In addition, but certainly not limited to: the "no poo" method, Elimination Communication, the oil cleansing method, family cloth, delayed/selective/no vaccinations, extended breastfeeding, extended rear facing, and using homeopathy instead of traditional medicine.
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